Losing Everything, Finding Myself

Monthly Mental Check-in:

To all my fellow Geminis….how ya’ll doin? Cause I sure as f*ck have not been OK. Is it just me or is this the WORST season for us Geminis? This July 2019 retrograde was not a JOKE. Also – download the Pattern app and tell me that shit isn’t straight FACTS. Mercury retrograde is over yet I am still in recovery mode during its shadow. My tarot card reader and spiritual advisor had to draw some deep breaths when reading my horoscope for August as she laid my cards out. I just looked at her and said girl, I know, I know. It’s been hell. But that’s all over now. The worst has already happened. Good news and good things are coming. Peace, positivity, healing, knowledge, truth. August is about reclaiming my time, my power. Rebuilding the vision, the life I rightfully deserve.

friends ross geller

Just Keep Swimming

So let’s talk about 2019 thus far. First, I was on a break with my then-boyfriend (Feb-March) Then my apartment community had new management which hiked up monthly rent and I had TWO STALKERS whom I finally took legal action against. Then I had a huge falling out with my former best friend in April. My boyfriend (now ex, we remain civil friends) and I had major relationship issues (which I later found to be because of our childhood trauma and upbringing) until it came to a boiling point – we couldn’t put ourselves through the emotional pain anymore. Then I had to cut off toxic family members vice versa this summer while having the biggest breakdown of my life realizing I’ve been a victim of a little something called generational trauma among other things. So yeah, I’d say it’s been a little rough. Lmfao but it’s all good though cause positive vibes right? *insert depression memes here* My therapist says I use sarcasm and self-deprecating humor as a defense mechanism to makes the situation lighter and easier to digest, but don’t we all?

Present Day – Silver Lining

I’m finally out of deep waters. I was drowning for months and dismissed it for depression and anxiety. This is literally the most spiritually awakening summer of my life despite zero drug use. Lots of reading and mediation though. Here’s two I recommend on behalf of my guy bestie who forced me to download both audibles, which ended up being the best thing I did this month. (The Untethered Soul and A New Earth)

Following along with the audible has given me an immense knowledge of the “self.” I’ve been learning how to slow down and filter my thoughts because our higher self is not the thoughts or voices in our head. It’s actually just the “being” that receives these “messages”. Hella deep stuff. We must learn to separate ourselves from people, places, things, pain, emotional suffering, expectations, society’s pressure, negativity. Only when we separate ourselves can we be liberated and free.

untethered soul a new earth

Embracing the Journey 

Sometimes I feel emotionless, like that Katy Perry song. Floating through space like a plastic bag, (although I’ll be biodegradable, of course). I’m here for a purpose and my time isn’t up yet. Thinking of times gone in the past and all of the times still ahead of us.. Life is beautiful and I’m determined to breathe in all the zest it has to offer me. True happiness is within. I won’t give up. I won’t. I am who I am and there’s no shame in that.

Old video, but so on point. ONE LOVE BABY. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. 




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