I’ll follow thee and make a heaven of hell; To die upon the hand which I love so well.
– A Midsummer Night’s Dream, William Shakespeare
Just like the moon, we go through phases.
So here is a random appreciation post for the revival period of 90s grunge and gothic chill. Aka the loneliest period in my life, which turned out to be the year of biggest growth for me as an individual. I was always a loner in a way but I was never lonely because I enjoyed being on my own. Fall of 2016 was the first time I felt completely alienated. Being different is awesome until you are unable to relate or open up to anyone. During this time, I also questioned my sexuality. I thought I was asexual for the longest fucking time. Call it depression, anxiety, despair. Call it whatever you want. I was completely isolated by choice from my peers, outgrowing many of my friends, discovering the horrible truths about our world and becoming stagnant in my career. A dose of reality knocked me off my feet.
I began wearing dark lipstick/black clothing while citing comeback lines from Wednesday Addams and rewatching Daria on MTV. Chopped off my hair. My nails were painted black. I wore chokers, not as a fashion statement, but to reminisce the days when I was actually an emo goth back in middle school. I recovered my old playlist from the early 2000s, Simple Plan, Green Day, Taking Back Sunday, Hawthorne Heights, the Killers…
The Comeback Season
I loved being a cold vampress who you didn’t want to mess with. I relinquished in being the girl who could wear all black as well as she could bright pink. I took pride in scaring off men and boys alike. I didn’t give a shit about anything except art, books, and music. I was intimidating, unattached, unapproachable. Good times, good times. That phase is now over but it taught me a lot about myself. Now I’m in a better place. Moral of the story? Hang on. You’ll find your place and things get better. And hopefully, the light within you will never fade. Don’t let them diminish your shine.
Love and light.