Crash & Burn
You can be completely over someone in a relationship but the damage and mark it left on your heart will remain for years to come unless you learn how to grow from it. It’s like watching a car crash. You never know when it’s coming and you can’t look away. Sometimes you just can’t help the way you feel. And it makes you feel like a helpless bystander. Every time you fall in love and go through the emotions. I can be reckless but I’m working on it. Because I refuse to let the past control my life.
Why is it that betrayal always comes from those closest to your heart? Cheating is one of the worst things you can do to a person. It affects them mentally, emotionally, and psychologically. It turns your world upside down and you have to pick up the pieces up, one by one.
Road to Recovery
The past two years have been about focusing strictly on myself, bettering myself, and rebuilding my life. There’s a beauty in doing things alone. You learn not to rely on anyone and you become fiercely independent. I learned so much about myself during this time. My strengths, my weaknesses, what I’m capable of. I thought I was done with this. I thought I had moved on, which I have in a way, but it’s still incredibly difficult for me to trust anyone, even if they show no signs of deception.
The problem is, I’m still deathly afraid of falling in love again. Falling in love means giving up all control and jumping into the unknown. It can be heaven or hell. The fear of being hurt is preventing me from taking any of my relationships to the next level. I know this. I just assume he’s going to mess up, so I treat all my relationships like a casual thing because I know it’s probably going to end. BUT THAT ENDS TODAY. There are some really great guys out there, contrary to popular belief. I’ve met someone who makes me happy and I don’t know how to advance our relationship. I have an extremely hard time opening up. If you’ve been cheated on or hurt by someone you love, don’t be so hard yourself. At the end of the day, we’re all just works in progress. And remember. It’s not a reflection of you. It’s a reflection of them. Leave trash where it belongs and look ahead to the stars, because there are better days to come.